


Epithet Epitaph

by Statboosts



Category: Epithet Erased (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen, I will dismantle the walls of this oppressive establishment board by board, I'll just put character notes and epithets in the end notes lmao, M/M, and now they're everyone else's problem as much as they are mine., in universe but unrelated, okay there's a couple of references to canon but lets not dwell on them, this wasn't a story at first I just had a bunch of OCs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:27:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23652322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Statboosts/pseuds/Statboosts
Summary: Epithet Epitaph is a side story set in the same universe as the main series, with an independent cast. Coby West is a teenage boy who steals a valuable old telescope from a group of Banzai Blasters. The Blasters, as well as the girl they stole the telescope from are scrambling to retrieve it before either Coby runs off or the police catch them. Similar to Epithet Erased, Epitaph is intended to be an ensemble in which the setting and primary characters occasionally switch.
Kudos: 5





	Epithet Epitaph

It had rained last night in Sweet Jazz City. Puddles dot the beaches, the sidewalks, and the forests on the edge of town. A squad of Banzai Blasters stroll down a back alley, playfully splashing through the puddles they pass, joking with each other about a job they had performed the night before. What few passersby there were paid the Blasters no mind. It was just a couple of teenagers committing a minor crime or two. Who hadn’t committed minor crimes as a teenager? Besides, at this time of morning who could be bothered to care about a couple of dorks in bright yellow polyester?

“Hah! Did you guys see the look on the nerd’s face when Seth kicked down the door?” Asked a Blaster with long brown hair. “He was soooo scared! I bet that loser wet himself.”

“Aw, c’mon Merry, it wasn’t that impressive, just surprised him is all,” a very bashful Seth said in a voice as blonde as his hair. “The construction on that shop was pretty shoddy anyway. I’m pretty sure that any old Mundie could knock it down with a couple of kicks to the right place.”

“So, what does the Boss even want with this thing?” a third Blaster named Sandy asked. “Why tell us to take this specifically? There was plenty of stuff there that was probably more valuable.”

“I just kind of assume that anyone of a higher rank knows what they’re talking about,” Seth replied in a painfully earnest way.

“You probably should. Helps the whole operation if the foundation doesn’t question what the capstone is thinking,” another Blaster said, looking into his shoes.

“Smoky, you’re being negative again, we've talked about this,” Sandy told him. Upon hearing what he already knew he was doing, Smoky started tearing up.

“I’m sorry, I’m trying my best to be more positive, but sometimes some negativity just slips out!” Smoky sobbed. “My therapist said that taking up healthy habits to get my mind set on something productive might help but none of the one’s I’ve tried are working!”

“Hey! You’ve already taken the hardest step on the road to recovery by going to a therapist and trying things out, we will find you a healthy coping mechanism if it kills us!” Shock said assertively, patting his friend on the shoulder. “We’ll go try something new and fun as soon as we get our reward money for this thing!” Seth slapped the stolen, antique case holding the stolen antiques from the antiques dealer.

A young man wearing headphones passed the Banzai Blasters by, much closer than any of the other civilians on the road.

“Thanks man, that really means a lot,” Smoky said, straightening up a bit. “It felt good to cry, too. Get a bit of that out of my system.”

“I’m sorry too, man. I know you’re doing your best,” Sandy said, patting Smoky on the back. “I’ll try to be more delicate in future. That was my mistake for setting you off.”

The Banzai Blasters, now emotionally reassured, were getting ready to turn the corner, when all of them felt a sudden, sharp, but minor pain in their ankles. When they got home that night, they would all find that there was a paper-cut on the backs of their ankles, but not in the fabric of their clothes. All of them fell to their knees.

Twenty-eight miles away, in a botanical garden, a man holding a fire extinguisher and choking on the smoke from a burning tree thought, “I wonder how Coby’s morning is going?” 

“I hear that taking up a craft like crochet or knitting can be good for one’s mental health, Smoky,” Said the boy with the headphones, Coby. “It’s worked for me before at least.” He was holding the loot case, as well as a bundle of white fabric. Seeing this, the Blasters realized that they were each missing their left gloves. The boy flashed them all a sheepish, nervous smile before running around a corner onto Main Street. 

“Dang, that hurt! What did he do!?” Sandy yelled.

“Dammit, I think he’s inscribed! He must have used his epithet to grab the case!” Smoky said, grimacing. ‘Crochet, huh?’ he thought.

“Well we can’t follow him out there in our Banzai uniforms, we’ll get arrested!” Merry yelled, panicking.

“That's not nearly as bad as what would happen to us if Amp finds out we lost the telescope, now come on!” Seth yelled, struggling to his feet. The fear of punishment from a Banzai Valedictorian outweighed the pain from the cut the kid had left on his Achilles. A glow surrounded Seth for a short moment, before he dashed off after the boy, vanishing in a shower of blades of grass.

As Coby rounded the corner, he breathed a little sigh of relief. Suddenly, Seth popped out of a bush near the end of the alley. “Surprise, Kid!”, he yelled.

The kid punches him in the face.

“OW! What the hell!?”, Seth yelled, holding his nose, which was now bleeding a bit, “I wasn’t going to even hurt you, I was just going to take the case back!

“Ack! I’m so sorry!”, the kid said, genuinely sorry. “I’m not going to give the case back, but if you can catch me I’ll return it, no questions asked. Normally I’d just run off with it but I want to give you a chance now. Think of it as an apology!” After setting a very valuable game of tag into motion, the Coby kept running down the main street, unaware of who exactly he had just pissed off.

The other Banzai Blasters in the group had collected themselves and were about to turn the corner and help their friend chase down the teenage boy, when the three of them suddenly collapse. A young woman appears from behind the crumpled Banzai Blasters, out of breath and annoyed. She bounces about on the balls of her feet for a moment, before sighing deeply. “Dang it, he got to them just as I was gonna make my move. At least I was able to take care of these guys before they made things too complicated.” She stretches out her arms and shakes off her hands. She also places a business card for a craft store with affordable yarn in Smoky’s hand. “Welp, I better go get that case from that kid before he gets beaten to a pulp.” She squats down, stretching out her legs, before rocketing off so fast she may as well have simply vanished. 

“This just isn’t our morning, is it?” Sandy murmured into the gravel of the alleyway before she blacked out.

**Author's Note:**

> Coby West: Epithet: Nick  
> -He's a flawless pickpocket, and can even steal things from a short distance.  
> -Stealing off a person from a distance gives the victim a paper cut.  
> -He lives with his older brother Harvey, an investigative reporter.


End file.
